Pooped.

Poop.
     Or, Poo, for short.
That's right, I'm going to talk about it.  Because, whether you want to hear it or not: We dogs love poop. LOVE it.

That's one of the many mysteries of humans.  Why don't you like it?  I mean, you don't just dislike the aftermath of a meal, you treat it with disdain.  You even have a not-so-clever saying for it: Treated like crap.  I won't use the other word for poop here - you know what I mean.
But, if you were a dog, and one of your K9 companions treated you like crap, they'd actually be giving you the highest honors.  It could also mean that they are eating you, depending on their preferences.

Here is how humans see poop, based on my observations:
1) They definitely poop indoors, and usually do it behind closed door, like it's something to be embarrassed about.  Which raises the question:  Why is it such an issue when I poop inside?
2) They don't like to talk about it.  Not when it pertains to them, at least.
3) They don't like the smell. I've gathered this from the gagging (which I've learned is also a form of showing disdain) that occurs when my aforementioned pooping-inside happens (which it does, from time to time).
          3a) And, too add to this, though I'd think it goes without saying: They don't like the taste. I've never seen them try to taste it, but considering how angry they get with me when I'm enjoying some nice, fresh poo, they don't prefer it.

And that brings me to my next point in my poopy postulation: Don't humans understand the importance of having a balanced diet?  I hear mom and dad constantly talking about eating healthier (usually, it's right before they settle down to their Thursday, "Beer & Pizza Night").  It's a known fact that our bodies have difficulty getting all the necessary nutrients out of every meal - it's just too much for our bellies to process.  So, why not re-eat what we've eaten before to get any leftover nutrients?  It's good, and good for us AND the environment! Yeah, you hear me correctly - I'm calling out the benefits of recycling, too!  It's a much more environmentally friendly option to what humans do with our poop - bag it up and throw it away! What's up with that?  Whether we're on a walk, and I leave a little treasure behind for some unsuspecting lucky dog; or it's in the back yard.  They're right behind us with a shovel and a bag.  Now don't tell me that's not a little strange.

And here is how dogs see poop:
1) We prefer to poop outside.  The better to share with our friends!  However, we don't need to abide by any social protocol that requires us to "hold it."  So, if we need to poop right now, we'll poop right now - discretion be damned.
2) We would talk about it all day, if we could!  What do you think we dogs are barking back and forth to each other about all the time?  That's right, it's poop.  That's about the only thing that little Bean, Zeus and I have in common. It's all we talk about!
3) If we had opposable thumbs, the first thing we dogs would do is bottle our fecal scents to wear later.  Mmm, I'm drooling just thinking about it.
4) Poop is a K9 delicacy.  See above for further detail.

So, next time you scold your pooch for any poop-related activity that you deem inappropriate, remember what I've said here.

I don't doubt that you will, I'm sure it's seared into your mind.  And for that, you are welcome.